Today is our 10th Anniversary. As I look back at the last five months I have never depended on my husband more so than this year. Four deployments and 2 children made us strong. But the last 5 months have made us even stronger. I remember when I was graduating college, single and moving to NYC just for the heck of it. I was not necessarily looking for my husband, but as time went on I did began praying for a godly man. I thought I would meet someone in New York that wore metro clothing and was a bit of a foodie. When Mike came to NYC to see me after our first date, he wore his “Got Spam?” t-shirt, which encompassed his sense of style and food all wrapped into one. He talked about farts on day 3 of dating. I made baked pasta and an apple pie and he tells me now that was “The ONE dinner.” As in she’s “the one.” Looking back I had no idea who we would become individually and as a couple. I am so grateful God knows, he sees. He sees your future and who and what you will need. I have needed Mike more than I ever had before, for my physical, emotional, and psychological health. He has been there each and every beautiful ugly time, building me up, encouraging me, and making me laugh. Our relationship is now stronger than ever and I put together some notes on why I think that is.
Things that make us work… 1) We read God’s word and seek his wisdom. Mike reads his bible daily, and I am getting better. We seek God’s wisdom thru his word and prayer, for every major decision, concern etc. I think this is our greatest success, and what keeps us going. This is also what has kept us strong during deployments and cancer. 2) We talk. A lot. We talk about everything. Kids, parenting, goals, failures, money, friends, our future, Christianity, our families, business, world problems, planning, and the list could go on. I think because we dated long distance our relationship was built on talking, not to mention those pesky 4 deployments. It has built our relationship on communication. I think for this reason we hardly argue. If you’re wondering how we have time to talk so much, I’m glad you asked. 3) We don’t watch TV on a regular basis (ok, ok our fall back is DVDs of the old Magnum P.I. seasons, and then of course The Great British Bake-off). Parrtaayy over here, let me tell you. Mike dislikes TV. He would throw it away tomorrow if I agreed. So because of this we don’t watch very much. And as a result, we have more time to talk to each other, grow in our relationship, plan, parent etc. 4) We tag team. He needs a break or I do. We take care of each other when we need respite from kids/parenting. We can see when the other is at a tipping point, and take over for the other. I cook, he washes the dishes. We trade naps on the weekends. You get the idea. 5) We have fun. Mike’s nickname at work is “Loco.” Can I get an amen? Sometimes when people ask me how many kids I have I say, “3. They’re 39, 6 and 2.” I need it though. I am a people pleasing rule follower, so it is good for me to have some crazy spontaneity in my life. Mike chills me out. It also makes for a really fun dad. Husband Recommendations (in case you’re looking): -Someone who takes charge. Mike is a planner, so am I. But there is a difference between planning and leading the plan. Mike does both. I realize everyone is not a planner, which is not always a bad thing. My point here is you need someone to make final decisions, and guide your family in the direction you feel God leading you. Since January he has documented every doctor apt, and kept a log of my symptoms and medications, and paid all the medical bills. It has made me feel relieved so often, that I don’t have to do it all. -Someone who has got your back. Obviously, it’s nice to have someone to protect you and make you feel safe (in the words of Mr. T, “I pity the fool” who tries to break into our house). Protection comes in many forms. Mike reads the cancer research and then translates it for me so I don’t get emotional. Let’s not forget parenting. Shout out to all you military mamas out there who parent night and day on your own. Mike has backed me up so many times when I was in the trenches alone. It has made me feel safe, seen and heard. -Someone who challenges you. There are so many things I wouldn’t know how to do if it weren’t for Mike (i.e. translate navy acronym-ese). I would be in some level of debt if it weren’t for him. I like Dim Sum. Find someone who challenges your thinking, gives you fresh ideas and shows you a way of life from a different perspective. It makes be feel like I’m constantly learning. -Someone who calls you out. Honesty is a rare gift these days. I can go to Mike, explain a situation and he will tell me if I’m legitimate in my feelings, or need to get over it. He can tell me to go take a, “mommy time-out.” It makes me feel like I have a best friend. -Someone who tells you “You are Beautiful.” So here’s the thing. I am not a ‘girly-girl’ who wears fashion-ista clothes and lots of make-up. I generally put on sunscreen, blush and mascara and call it a day. However, when you are too thin, bald, pail, throwing up, exhausted and can barely eat AND still he tells me I’m beautiful. There’s something to be said for that. It makes me feel beautiful. -Someone who makes you laugh. Not a chuckle. Like a “can’t breathe” belly type laugh. I have a slight reputation for what has become known as “bursting.” This is when you are taking a drink of something and then someone makes you laugh and then your drink comes back out. Mike has accomplished this on a several occasions. It makes me feel silly, and lighthearted. Much Aloha~Nikki
3 Comments
Mary Cota
6/30/2017 06:53:47 pm
Sweet Nikki, you sure have a gift for writing.
Reply
7/3/2017 11:25:33 pm
Congratulations on your 10th wedding anniversary. You both looked so in love and beautiful. We continue to pray for Nikkis healing. We salute yu on the 4th, Mick. We thank you so much for your selfless service for our nation.
Reply
Cheryl Canary
7/17/2017 04:36:24 pm
Your wedding was wonderful and we were blessed to be there. I am blessed today reading your sage words about Mike and marriage. You have an amazing gift to be able to know and write as you do, Nikki. Thank you for sharing your struggles, lessons, insights, joys, and sorrows. You brought me to tears. -:)
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
November 2019
Categories |