Today is Wednesday. I woke up feeling a bit funny. No childcare for Daniel. No trip to Tripler. No pokes, labs, hydration, pre-medications, chemo, drowsiness, nap, steroid, no staying up til 1am. We went to Pearl Harbor, had lunch with Mike and then did some shopping. My legs are sore. Normally I'm in a chair for 4 hours followed by a 2 hour nap. So now I am curious how long symptoms and side effects will continue. I am looking forward to regaining some strength and endurance. I am grateful to have these two weeks of respite. I am looking forward to see what God has in store for us next.
What I Know God is good. Follow up with Dr. Peterson (surgeon) is 9/5. You know what that means, pack coloring book and snacks. Meet with Dr. Spiers (radiation oncologist) 9/7 What I Don't Know Still what I'm going to paint on my ceiling tile for the chemo corner What Made Today Normal Daniel told me I am his best friend...sheesh that boy Mike went to work. Praises Having a great visit this week with parents No chemo today I'll be able to fall asleep tonight Staycation is coming this weekend in Ko'olina with mom/dad Prayer Requests I have some skin irritation on my elbows I have mild neuropathy in my fingers and feet Fatigue and some achey-ness Prayer request for family in our small group...5 month old niece passed away from SIDS on Friday Shout Out Mickie L for the handmade oil pouches Lea M for new shirt, and goodies Aloha Much aloha~Nikki
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And then there was one. Uno. Ohh goodness today was a little fun. We got checked in then there was some kind of alert, and everyone had to evacuate the hospital. Of course. We all walk out and then sit for 2 minutes then all walk back in. This would have been fine except Mike was carrying a giant box with 11 goodie bags in it. My hero. We get thru vitals and into the chemo corner and I sit in the same exact chair as on my first day. Of course again. I get my first medicine hung and I took my IV pole around to all the staff and nurses to pass out my goodie bags. How does one say "thank you" for curing cancer? Trail mix and Milano cookies hardly seem enough. I did give a personal touch to each one. As I mentioned yesterday in Luke 17 I didn't want to be the one that forgot to give thanks. We sat next to a couple today who were starting their treatment. We had good conversation. As time went on the end got closer and closer. I got sleepy. Then just like that, the bag was empty. I feel like each of you deserved to be there with me when my nurse called to the other nurse, "Cindy...I need a bell." Mike and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts for praying over us this year. All of you have played a part in getting us to this mountain top. Now we march on to the next phase, what Allie calls the "lazer gun" doctor (i.e. radiation). We hope you continue to join us on this journey and see what miracles God has in store for us next. What I Know God is Good. All the time. God is good. Amen? ~My nurse Jacqui was overjoyed to find new scrunchies in her gift bag, she wears 2 everyday. She says she's low because her dogs steal them all the time. ~I am going to start making tally marks every time someone says, "You have a good shaped head." What I Don't Know ~When my next appt is with my oncologist. Wow. It will be in late October but I have been seeing him every 2 weeks for almost 5 months. Not having an appointment feels like craaazzzyyyy town. ~When my hair will grow back. Most survivors have told me a minimum of 8 weeks. I will start a poll for most creative Halloween costume. #chiapet ~I got my ceiling tile to decorate. Let me just tell you it is a heck of a lot bigger off the ceiling. I am not sure I am going to decorate that thing. So now I have homework. What Made Today Normal ~You might be wondering what we did tonight to celebrate? Tonight was 'Back to School' night for 1st grade. Not sure I'll remember everything the faculty said but her school is lovely, and I'm so grateful to have her there. ~On Monday a first grader came up to me and said, "Do you have a disease?" Me: "yes" Kid: "Oh I know that disease it makes your hair fall out." Just in case we needed confirmation that 1st graders are known for brutal honesty. What You Can Do for Me Today Please tell someone "thank you" who doesn't hear it often enough Praises Chemo is finished after almost 5 months. No fevers or nausea A woman today started her treatment, as I was finishing mine 3 chairs down. I was able to talk with her, as she has the same kind of breast cancer and same treatment. I am honored God has given me this ministry to reach other women. My parents come Sunday for 2 weeks Prayer Requests Sleep tonight I have some skin irritation/blisters on my fingers I have mild neuropathy in my fingers and feet I have had some moments of fear as I am transitioning. James 4:7 Shout Out Shara for child care today Juil for carpool Mum for flowers Emily for the most supercalifragilisticexpialidotious dinner (see photos) Holly for the card Lucy for card, tea, and new mug To the Kbay Stroller Warriers for running in pink today in my honor! Beautiful sign from your keiki, mahalo!! To all of you who rang bells, and messaged/called me today, I am humbled and so grateful words can't really say. Aloha Much aloha~Nikki Psalm 100
Make joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his, we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him, bless his name! For the Lord is good, his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. I just returned from the hospital to see my doctor and get my weekly labs drawn, one last time. While driving there I was reminded of the story in Luke 17. Jesus heals 10 lepers, but only one turns around and give thanks. I refuse to be the 9. Please join me this week in giving thanks for what God has done. For ever prayer of healing, lets match it with one of thanksgiving. I humbly thank you all for your prayers, meals, flowers, cards, comments, messages, gifts, child care and endless support from around the world. Celebrate with us tomorrow, for you are apart of our celebration. I look forward to posting tomorrow, many pictures coming. Now, I have to go find my bell. Much aloha~Nikki Monday was a rainy day on our little island. You know what I was doing. Rainbow hunting. We saw a huge one and then a few turns later I saw it again. In my rear view mirror. Let that sink in for a minute. Chemo will be over in a week. My doctor visits, blood draws, times in the chair will become memories instead of reality. Mike and I are planning to take lots of pictures and videos next week to help us remember what God has done. There is something about being in a valley that can make you really close to God, and you don't want it to fade. I am so grateful for the image he gave me of the rainbow in the rear view mirror. Whenever I remember chemo, I want to remember he left a rainbow behind us. What I Know God is Good The nurses wear a pink/white/green camouflage type gown over scrubs when they administer the chemo. #trynottospill I am currently wearing a beauty face mask...to give the "I spent the day at the spa" type effect I made little business cards with the blog link on them. Let me know if you want some to share with others. I am starting to plan my chemo corner ceiling tile. The ceiling tiles are all decorated by survivors. I will take it home next week to start decorating. There is 1.5 inch baby gecko staring at me while I write this. He seemed to be looking for a way off the table, so I just offered him my hand. He took me up on it. What Made Yesterday Normal Allie started 1st grade. Woah. So great. She was fully dressed and ready at 6:03 am. I even was up early and made apple cinnamon oatmeal in the Insta Pot. Let's hope this pattern of getting up early continues. I was humbled a little too. The first day of school is always exciting but I found myself trying to savor it. I think even the smallest of accomplishments will no longer be small in my heart. I'm so grateful for every single moment I have to see them grow up. And while I hear others talk about not wanting their kids to grow up, I am honored to see every milestone. Here's to 11 more First Days of School Allie girl. Praises No neuropathy, fevers, nausea The winds have been stronger Had a good follow up with OBGYN yesterday Saw 3 rainbows Monday, one today, and was sent one from Japan Prayer Requests Sleep tonight Cooler weather/wind I'm slugglish and irritable tonight Prayers for my transition out of chemo. It is such a relief to be done, however it also sort of feels like I'm no longer doing anything to fight it. A funny feeling, that I'm sure will pass but for now it's there. An army helicopter crashed 2 days ago on the North Shore here on Ohau. Please pray for the rescue efforts and families involved. Items in my Chemo Day bag Socks, sweater, headphones, essential oils, mints, orange tic tacs, book by John Stumbo: An Honest Look, The Magnolia Journal, Kind bar, water and an airplane neck pillow Shout Out Ashley Worrel for child care today Ashley Wolfe for fun dinner last night Aloha Much aloha~Nikki First of all you have to listen to this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o92ErAy9f6U It’s an oldie but a goodie. I hope you are joy filled now. I was the bald lady on the H3 freeway rockin out to this song. In the middle of the song 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 is quoted, “We are pressed but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.” This is one of the verses I’ve memorized this year, which may have something to do with why I like this song so much.
As chemo comes closer to an end, I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel (one that seemed to start a really long time ago). It is exciting. And yet now a new chapter begins. The longest I have gone without any appointments this year is 2 weeks. Come November I don’t know really what I’m going to do with myself. Initially, all I wanted was to be “normal” again. To go back to the life I had before. But as I’ve learned, cancer changes that. Once you have it, you are branded with an invisible cancer tattoo. It doesn’t wash off. My hair will grow back and people won’t know. I have to learn how to live as a survivor. A few people have asked us, “How do you know if the chemo worked?” Well, to put it bluntly, you don’t. In my case chemotherapy and radiation are preventative treatments. We know we made the right decision. And here’s the thing, you either believe God is sovereign or he isn’t. Statistics will tell you cancer isn’t good. But as anyone who’s been thru a tragic loss knows, life is short. Whether I have cancer or I’m a Navy SEAL headed on an op what are the odds of survival? When I told my good friend Sheila about my diagnosis, she said, “This does not number your days.” I can’t tell you how much that has comforted me and still does. Our days are numbered. But HE is the one who numbers them, cancer or not. The truth is I now don’t want to go back to the way I lived before. I worried about stupid stuff. I micromanaged. Ironically, cancer is changing that. The Holy Spirit gave me a great visual image this summer. When something starts worrying me I imagine a bookshelf with empty white boxes on it. I take a box off the shelf and add the problem, people, or situation. I fill the box, write a title on the front, and slide it over to Him (there’s also an imaginary table). He takes the box and hands me a Willy Wonka-like golden ticket that says, “JOY” on it. Sometimes I need to add to a box I’ve already started. Sometimes it is hard to give him the box because I want to control what’s in it. Sometimes, something is so big you need a U-Haul truck to carry your box. But the best part is that once I give it to Him, the boxes get put on his shelf not mine. He takes them every time. There are a lot of things in this world I’ve tried to control. I can’t control cancer. Even brilliant, dedicated doctors who have studied for decades sometimes can’t. But I can put cancer in a box and give it to Him and just like the song says, I can trade my sickness for joy. Every time a baby is born at Tripler a little lullaby tune goes off all throughout the hospital. It brings a smile to my face every time. While other patients and I are here going through a very challenging time, today is a day of rejoicing for others. It is easy to fall into a pity party. I've done it. It isn't sustainable. Romans 12:15 "Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep." As we gather bells for August 23rd, and I plan my over the top pink outfit....I thank you for rejoicing with me. I also thank you for weeping. Thanks for coming long side me and praying, supporting, providing meals, child care, flying across the ocean, cars, flowers, and sending rainbows from around the world. This morning Mike and I were talking about although chemo is coming to an end, cancer never really ends. It will always be part of me/us. God knows the future, its probably good we don't, we wouldn't be able to handle it. As some days will be better than others, we are going to try and choose Joy. Less screens and more prayer, family, friends and serving others. I urge you do to the same, you won't regret it.
What I Know God is Good I checked in, had vitals taken, got hydration and 1st medicine hung before Mike found a parking space. #parkinggaragenogo The chemo chairs have seat warmers Allie starts 1st grade on Tuesday I have appt with radiation Oncologist on Sept 7 What Made Today Normal Daniel saying, "I'm 2 1/2. My birthday is coming out (he means up). I have banilla cake put candles on it." Will do my friend, will do. Praises You know its bad when you look forward to chemotherapy because there is air conditioning. I am thankful for AC today. No neuropathy, fevers, nausea Able to share blog today We started shopping for gifts for our chemotherapy staff Prayer Requests Sleep tonight Cooler weather/wind I'm easily irritable We are working on our parenting. It has not a banner year in this dept. Which is fine, but we could still use some wisdom and patience. Shout Out Emily for child care yesterday Rachel for child care today Suzanne & Ashley for food Aloha Much aloha~Nikki 1. Found this pillow on our anniversary trip
2. Daniel's selfie 3. Look at the drain closely. Yep, all your island dwellers know who that is! I took the kids to the dentist yesterday. No, I'm not grasping at straws for blog topics. The last time I took the kids to the dentist was January 28th, which was the day after my diagnosis. That day I stood almost trembling as the receptionist asked, "Would you like to make their 6 month appt?" August 1st was set. I had literally no idea what lay ahead of me, this was before I even met with any doctor. I kinda wish I could give that version of myself a little hug. Just to say, "It's going to be really hard, but God will never leave you and he iis going to move mountains." It's been six months since then. It's hard to express how many mountains he's moved, rainbows he's sent, and lights he's turned on. You are all apart of it. I thank you, and would hug you too if I could.
What I Know God is Good My last chemo is August 23rd and I have my appt early Sept to set my schedule for radiation I am rapidly typing this in the chemo room before my Benadryl kick in and I get sleeeppppyyyy The ceiling panels in the clinic are decorated by survivors. I am starting to think about how to decorate mine. #rainbowisamust What Made Today Normal Daniel has an ear infection. He has to take antibiotics, and he often says "I don't wike medicine." Sigh. I don't "wike" mine either buddy. #mymedicineshouldbepinktoo Praises I continue to have no neuropathy I was able to fall asleep by midnight last week I'm back to my pre-cancer weight The kids got to come to the clinic with me yesterday to get my labs done (see pic below). It was good for them to see the clinic and meet my nurses (see photo below). Daniel woke up Friday with high fever and trip to doctor revealed yucky ear infection. I am thankful I stay home with them. I am thankful I am well enough to take care of them. I am thankful every.single.day that I am the one with cancer, not them. Prayer Requests Sleep tonight Energy during the day Cooler temperatures Shout Out Julia for childcare last week Shara for childcare today Summer for dinner tonight To all of you who send me amazing encouragement thru this blog, email and texts. I cherish them so much. Aloha Much aloha~Nikki |
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